Whenever I’m feeling depressed about my (lack of) social life, I always look to my high school yearbook and read the signatures and little things that I wanted people to write in it. It makes me feel good that I knew that many people that like(d) me. It seems that I’ve been looking through it a lot lately.
I haven’t been getting out lately. I’ve been busy at my new job, and I can’t be bothered to call someone to go out and do something. This would be a lot easier if my previous circle of friends still met regularly. But they don’t now. They split apart during the winter, and the group started to drift apart at New Years Eve. I can thank alcohol and useles drama for that. I spoke to some of them separately, but they’re not meeting weekly anymore. Or ever. For anyone else, they’d just get new friends. Hanging out with new people seems to be so much easier for other people, but not for me.
Most of the entries in my yearbook talk about how much of a funny, nice, quiet kid I am, and how I shouldn’t change. It’s sorta depressing how they tell me not to change, when not changing means that I spend my nights at home surfing the internet, playing video games or watching TV alone. I don’t feel confident asking to be accepted into other people’s circle of friends, so I just sit alone, by myself. It’s hard to change, even when I know I want to. So now I sit here, watching the Daily Show, while writing this blog entry about how depressed I am being by myself.
I want to see Dodgeball this Friday. I should get some friends together. But I don’t know who. Vicious cycle of non-social activity. I need to get myself a life… again. I thought I was doing so well, too.
If I know you in real life, e-mail me ( crazdgamer@hotmail.com ), or AIM me, or call my cell phone and just leave a message. It’ll be nice to hear familiar voices. Those are fun.
…
Fun.