So tonight, after my shift at work, I got chinese food for dinner. At the chinese place was a fairly attractive young woman who was waiting for her food. After placing my order, I go sit at a table on the right side of the room while she’s sits at a table on the left side of the room.
Now, I’d like to say something just to start conversation with this pretty young woman, but what does one say to a perfect stranger? “So… you like… stuff?” “You’re getting chinese? Me too!” Those are some fantastic first lines right there (protip: they’re horrible first lines.) And I think this is one of my major social weaknesses: In groups of people, I don’t want to say something for the sake of saying something. Whenever I speak, or ask a question, or do any kind of communicating, I want it to mean something. It either has to be funny, or informative, or insightful or intriguing. Speaking just to speak is, in my opinion, a waste of time and (for the most part) dull. If you remember Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, you may remember a quote by Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who said “the ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” He was referring to Jar Jar Binks, who, during the course of the movie, would praddle on about trivial and mundane things like “Brisky Morning Munchen” (seriously, wtf is a “brisky morning munchen”?) Being Jar Jar Binks is something I actively try to avoid, and should I encounter someone who brings nothing to the conversational table, I usually try to avoid them.
… and there’s the paradox. By refusing to offer up conversational fluff (which I consider worth nothing), I’ll instead offer either little or nothing at all. While others contribute an equivalent of nothing, I can (and do sometimes) offer absolutely nothing; Both are just as bad, and thinking about it now, I’m probably a hypocrite for thinking the way I do about this. The pretty young woman and I were in the chinese take out place with no other customers for a solid 4 minutes. We said absolutely nothing to each other before she got her food and left. The fact that I didn’t want to say anything stupid (and, let’s be honest, if I was going to force out “so what are you getting?”, it would’ve sounded forced and awkward (and for those that know me personally, me being awkward is par for the course)) led me to saying absolutely nothing at all.
The end result? A pretty young woman and I share 4 awkward minutes in a chinese take out place, having said nothing to each other, and we’ll probably never see each other again. As the saying goes, “FML.”