The new home of Here It Is…

Volumes 1-15: Find a feather, go to the next world.  Find a feather, go to the next world, find a feather go to the next world…

Volume 16: Find a feath- WHAT THE F—–?

This is pretty much directly related to my last post.

(Sadly, I’m right there with you, train guy.)

Now, I’d like to say something just to start conversation with this pretty young woman, but what does one say to a perfect stranger? “So… you like… stuff?” “You’re getting chinese? Me too!” Those are some fantastic first lines right there (protip: they’re horrible first lines.)  And I think this is one of my major social weaknesses: In groups of people, I don’t want to say something for the sake of saying something.  Whenever I speak, or ask a question, or do any kind of communicating, I want it to mean something.  It either has to be funny, or informative, or insightful or intriguing.  Speaking just to speak is, in my opinion, a waste of time and (for the most part) dull.  If you remember Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, you may remember a quote by Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who said “the ability to speak does not make you intelligent.”  He was referring to Jar Jar Binks, who, during the course of the movie, would praddle on about trivial and mundane things like  “Brisky Morning Munchen” (seriously, wtf is a “brisky morning munchen”?) Being Jar Jar Binks is something I actively try to avoid, and should I encounter someone who brings nothing to the conversational table, I usually try to avoid them.

… and there’s the paradox.  By refusing to offer up conversational fluff (which I consider worth nothing), I’ll instead offer either little or nothing at all.  While others contribute an equivalent of nothing, I can (and do sometimes) offer absolutely nothing; Both are just as bad, and thinking about it now, I’m probably a hypocrite for thinking the way I do about this.  The pretty young woman and I were in the chinese take out place with no other customers for a solid 4 minutes.  We said absolutely nothing to each other before she got her food and left.   The fact that I didn’t want to say anything stupid (and, let’s be honest, if I was going to force out “so what are you getting?”, it would’ve sounded forced and awkward (and for those that know me personally, me being awkward is par for the course)) led me to saying absolutely nothing at all.

The end result?  A pretty young woman and I share 4 awkward minutes in a chinese take out place, having said nothing to each other, and we’ll probably never see each other again.  As the saying goes, “FML.”

1) Weird Al: Awesome.

2) In the style of the White Stripes:  Doubly awesome.

3) Song is about Charles Nelson Reilly. Triply awesome.

…hours pass…

Joe: “Spreadsheet’s done. Want to take a look before I send it?”
“No, just send it.”
Joe: …ok… *sends*

…days later…

“Joe, spreadsheet’s wrong. Come back and re-do it.”

A great battle is beginning.

A city on the water is going about its business; the water comes back, then a giant wave crashes (opposite from where a wave usually comes from, facing away from the land) and destroys lots of stuff. (Editor’s note: Yeah, I tried to brush up the descriptions a little in the proceeding paragraphs before posting this, but I missed this part. I’m leaving it in, since the word “stuff” isn’t used too much anymore, and gosh-darn it, it should. — Joe). A large titan-like being is seen approaching from the horizon. Classical music is playing.

At another city, a similar occurrence: a large titan-like being in the horizon takes a giant step and quakes the land in front of him, causing giant cracks in the earth from beneath his gigantic feet.

A man, wearing a white pilot-like suit is propelling across the water (using propulsion devices commonly installed in the suits worn by all the city’s citizens) and is surprise-attacked by another being dressed in the same suit. The attacker quickly bites the man’s entire torso as it jumps from beneath the water, taking it and its victim under. Another man, located on a floating dock, notices this and immediately knows what’s going on. He begins to run away, but an attacker looking very-much similar to the first jumps from the water and knocks him in. Someone yells “GET OUT OF THE WATER”, and he’s able to before the attackers could secure him. He explodes out of the water (no doubt using some kind of emergency deployment in his suit), lands on the dock and makes a land-dash towards his home close by. 

At home, he’s carrying a laptop computer as he’s acrobatically traveling through his house; he never touches the floor, jumping like a circus act from one vertical pole to another while accessing his laptop. He knows he has to change his laptop password; “BUBBLES” has to be changed to something more secure, something they’ll never figure out. “SHOWTIME”? No, that’s easy. Eying his cat as he leaps by, he keys in “SNOBALL”, but clears that, unsatisfied with his decision. He then spots large birds on his bedroom balcony. He pauses on a poll, wrapping his arm around it, holding the laptop open with his left hand while typing with his right and smiles as he’s now found his answer: “BIGTITS”. “They’ll never get it.”

He closes the laptop and finally lands in the hallway. He only takes a few steps when he spots his enemy, dressed in the same clothing he is. The enemy stands on the other side of the room, carrying a framed enlarged musical score.  

“That’s my Beethoven’s 9^th”, the man says. The enemy smiles as he turns and begins his escape with the historic symphony. The man gives chase knowing these guys can be caught out of water, but once they reach water, his prized possession will never be seen again.

When I got back, I realized going back out was not a good idea, with the roads continuing to be bad and the likely drunk state of people driving late at night.  So, I’m at my apartment by myself for New Year’s… but am I really by myself?

At 11:20pm or so, I decided that, even though no one’s with me, I’m going to enjoy myself.  I usually don’t drink by myself, as I’ve been told drinking by one’s self is one of the signs of an alcoholic, but New Year’s is a special occasion, so I break open my bottle of Jack Daniel’s, pour a glass of Coke, add ice and mix.  Jack and Coke is my drink of choice, which is what I told one of my friends from work when I had my first Game Night here.  He brought over the bottle of Jack as well as a bottle of Captain Morgan, both of which I still have in the pantry as a testament to my utter lack of having people over for social visits.

But, I do realize that having the bottle there at all is an accomplishment in that I did indeed have people over, and even though I’m not with them at the moment, I still know a great deal of awesome people that I don’t speak to or see as often as I should, which is an awful behavior I always need to be aware of and correct.  And, of course, I’m also reminded of the current network of friends that I have, and I’m grateful to them for being able to know them and be their friend as well.

So yeah.  I’ve decided I’m not actually by myself tonight.  It doesn’t matter if I’m not physically with people.  I can reflect on each of my friends and how they’ve impacted me and made this year a good one, and hopefully they can do the same with me.

Happy New Year!

Look at that list; Full Seasons of Star Trek: The Original Series (Seasons 1-3), MacGyver, and Jericho.

CBS is using YouTube in ways the other major networks aren’t. CBS gets what the future is about; adapting your content to a new model of delivery, not forcing the old model on your customers. CBS rules.