This week’s quotes come to you from the Newsday message board discussion for a story detailing 4 DWI arrests in 12 hours.

Post 15

That’s why I drink light beer before I drive. The dumb people drink regular beer and get in accidents.

Although, to be fair, the post author is listed as “Paris Hilton.”

Post 16 completely misses the point.

what, again?
build another prison let the overcrowding begin
make all the laws you want you won’t stop people from driving drunk

Paris Hilton responds to a critic in post 39

Damien wrote:

It’s not the beer (light or regular)that gets you drunk, it’s the alcohol (ethanol) in the beer or wine or whiskey or white lightning that gets a person drunk.

What are you talking about?
The beer is lighter so it has less alcohol you dummy.
Now, has anyone seen my dog?

Post 38, and its compliment, post 47

Any of them volunteer fire fighters?

Andy wrote:

Any of them volunteer fire fighters?

No they’re all probably off duty cops,and will get away wuth [sic] it.

Article: Family plans to sue Adventureland after tot’s injury
Thread
And finally, some gems.

Post 38

All of you morons who bemoan the lawsuit would probably be the first ones lining up in front of a lawyer’s office if it happened to you and/or yours. Why do you think God invented insurance? People don’t expect to get hurt at an AMUSEMENT PARK.

Post 43 (I like this one because I was thinking the same thing)

I was going to sue them for still having the same crappy roller coaster for over thirty years now.

Post 94

Former Pequan wrote:

Oh come on, if it were your kid, you’d sue too. I would sue for enough to pay for his college education and then some.

Good luck to that family. I hope the lawsuit closes the place down.

Don’t assume everybody is a hypocrite like you may or may not be

Post 139 (10-year-olds posting on a newspaper’s message board about serious topics is like me doing a stand-up comedy act; the subject is so out of place and outclassed, it’s hard not to laugh at the futile attempt.)

Sanchez the Pig wrote:

<quoted text>
Wow…this coming from someone who can’t even spell the word “sense” correctly. I guess all the money in the world can’t buy intelligence, either.

im only 10 years old you dickhead

Fun times.